Lose. Fight. Win

Lose, fight, and win. Just a few of the words associated with any sport, but for me it goes beyond sports as it holds more meaning and value to my life. I grew up around sports and I come from a family of athletes and sports lovers. From basketball, volleyball, tennis, track and field, soccer, baseball, football, and swimming; you name it! These were just a few of the sports I along with my family were a part of. I played basketball and volleyball growing up and my family were my number one fans; my mom especially. She was at every game I played cheering loud and proud for me. As years went by, I focused more on school, but it was my love, my passion, and my appreciation for sports that got me through my Masters program at CSUDH. I’d have Lakers, Dodgers, Kings, and any football game on in the background as I would finish homework or write my thesis. Some might say that’s a distraction, but for me, it was my calm to any storm despite the stress and anxiety my teams bring me with every game. My weekdays were long; working in the morning and only having an hour to eat and make my way to CSUDH for my classes. Two to three days out of the week, I’d be at school until almost 10pm as Masters courses were likely to be in the afternoon/evening. My mom would call me and be my company on my drive home instead of listening to music. If there was a game on, she would be giving me score updates or game highlights that I missed. On the other one to two days out of my week, I found the energy and time to play in a co-ed adult volleyball league with friends that turned into family. Best believe my mom was at almost every game. She even designed some of our team's jerseys. 

In the Fall of 2016, I had one thing in mind- “I’m only a few months away from graduating with my Masters Degree”. The excitement was kicking in; all my dedication and hard work was finally paying off. But with that high in life came a low. Our family was hit with the news that my mom, my best friend, and my number one fan was diagnosed with Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer. I’m known to be a woman of faith and always having a positive attitude and approach to life, but nothing hurt more than hearing her news. My mom was beautiful inside and out; my bright light through anything. It was my mom who taught me to accept the things we can not control but I couldn’t and I felt terrible for questioning my faith and asking “Why her?”. She was stronger than I was, telling me “It’s okay, at least you know my time is coming, let’s be thankful for that. Some people don’t get to say bye to their loved ones. I will”. She embraced and accepted her time was nearing. I still couldn’t but I knew I had to make the time spent with her our best times yet. I am a firm believer that God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers and that’s who she was and that’s what we were going to do for her and with her; Fight. The thought of losing my mom at any moment consumed me and took over the excitement I had for graduating with my Masters degree. To know my number one fan who has never missed an event or an achievement of mine may just miss one of my biggest accomplishments was a thought my heart could not handle. My mom missed my big moment. She was not there at my ceremony as she was rushed to the hospital the morning of my graduation and passed away 6 days later. That was the start to missing all of my life’s moments; the highs/lows, the pretty/ugly, and the good/bad. 

Losing my best friend was hard but not once did I stop smiling or loving on those who love me. The feeling of not having her physically present hurt but the memories I shared with her is what kept me going and continues to keep me going to this day. I never realized how strong I was until it was the only thing left to be as our family was hit with another set of news; I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer just 2 days before Christmas 2021 and 4 years after losing my mom. My heart dropped. I knew it was going to be a tough road ahead and to not have her by my side was heartbreaking, but I know she left me in good hands with loved ones who filled that void. We had to all fight yet again. I went through months of chemo and 5 surgeries within just a few months of each other. I couldn’t leave the house as much. I did as I was told by my doctors, surgeons, and nurses. At that time, it was sports that kept me entertained and busy. I caught up with documentaries of various athletes I had put on my “need to watch list”. From those documentaries, I learned that through our trials in life, regardless of what it may be; having faith and grace for ourselves first and foremost is the biggest victory we can accomplish. Knowing I had my mom as my mom was all the strength I needed to make it through my toughest battle yet. I wanted to fight for the people that fought for me when I lost my mom. It was that fight I had in me and the love people showed me that saved me. I am now cancer free but still living through the post cancer life which I am beyond grateful for. 

Life will throw us our curve balls but it is how we overcome those losses and turn them into wins that makes us the champions we were born to be whether that be playing a sport, accomplishing minor or major personal goals, or battling our own battles. We have to lose before we can win but it will always be about how we get to the finish line that brings out the best versions of ourselves. It’s what makes the wins even sweeter. Did we fight hard enough to get to where we need or want to be? Yes, because we all have that fight in us to keep going, keep pushing, and keep striving to be the champion we already are. I may have had more losses than wins in life but that is where I’m wrong. I was always winning in life. I am ALWAYS winning in life. Some wins just took a little longer than others but with every loss, came the drive and determination to fight, and with every fight, came the win.